Tom Rants Taglines


Unlike some sites I change my “tagline” from time to time. Here’s a record of some of my past taglines. Going forward I’ll be keeping track of the dates as I change them.

July 2006 to August 25, 2006: My 5 Year Mission: To Boldly Split Infinitives No Man Has Split Before

August 25, 2006 to October 4, 2006: Mercury Venus Earth Mars Jupiter Saturn Uranus Neptune Pluto…Got it?

October 4 to October 10, 2006: If I Was Jesus, I’d have some real long hair. A robe and some sandals…Wait, Toby, It’s If I Were Jesus.

October 10, 2006 to October 24, 2006: Haram, Trafe, Heretical. Food for thought.

October 25, 2006 to October 31, 2006: 20-to-1 Jesus didn’t pay the sin tax when he turned water to wine

October 31, 2006 to November 13, 2006: Lard: Now with 0 Grams Trans Fat and No Added Sugar

November 13, 2006 to December 1, 2006: US Casualties in Iraq Since November 7, 2006…

December 1 2006 to February 9, 2007: Yes, Virginian There Is a Santa Claus

February 9, 2007 to March 7, 2007: It is in truth not for glory, nor riches, nor honours that we are fighting, but for freedom — for that alone, which no honest man gives up but with life itself. from the Declaration of Arbroath 1320.

March 7, 2007 to June 11, 2007: I don’t want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me. The opening line delivered by Frank Costello [Jack Nicholson] in Martin Scorsese’s The Departed.

June 11, 2007 to August 4, 2007….: My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends. The second line (and also third from final line) of the Janis Joplin ditty “Mercedes Benz”. I was just in a Janis Joplin frame of mind. I thought about “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose,” from “Me and Bobby McGee,” but rejected it as too conventional and politically inexpedient for an advocate of freedom.

August 4, 2007 to October 28, 2007 From the field notes of Tom Hanna, Nighttimer, Commentator This is a take off on a character in the novel Rant: An Oral Biography of Buster Casey of Buster Casey by Chuck Palahniuk. All the characters are described as “daytimer” or “nighttimer,” a classification that fits the future culture of the story. One character, Green Taylor Simms, is distinguished by the fact that rather than providing an oral account, some of his words are written words “from the field notes of Green Taylor Simms, Nighttimer, Historian.”

October 28, 2007 to November 9, 2007 How can we do this, after the tragic events of January 3rd? A throwaway line from actor/comedian Taylor Negron in the 2005 documentary The Aristocrats about the joke of the same name, that turned out to be one of the funniest lines in the movie. Very NSFW – the movie and any discussion of it could not possibly be any less safe for work, unless it involved actual visual depictions.

November 9, 2007 to December 26, 2007 Guaranteed Conservative or Double Your Money Back A play on my earlier tagline “Satisfaction Guaranteed or your money back.” Several people apparently objected to the sites inclusion in a Top 100 Conservative Websites list based on the fact that I linked to an ACLU campaign against government surveillance. Apparently to some Big Government “Conservatives” a willingness to be spied on by an omnipotent nanny state is a litmus test for conservatism. I would refer them to the written works and speeches of Jefferson, Hayek, Rand, Goldwater, Reagan and Buckley. I’m not conservative because I oppose Big Government? Sorry, but that dog won’t hunt.

December 26, 2007 to February 4, 2008 CEILIN CAT SEZ “READ TOM RANTS EVRYDAI. K THX” Lolcat fans rejoice and read Tom Rants everyday!

February 4, 2008 to March 7, 2008 Not just chopped liver, baby…
Gene Weingarten wrote a piece called “The Fame Threshold” in the Washington Post proposing as an “empirical measure” of fame comparing the number of hits for your name to the number of hits for the phrase “she moaned” on Google. The benchmark for “a sort of minor, cheesy fame” was having more hits than the phrase “What am I, chopped liver?” Both my name and the blog’s name pass…so, at least I’m not just chopped liver.

March 7, 2008 to April 1, 2008‘Tis I’ll be here in sunshine, or in shadow… Oh, Danny Boy, Oh Danny Boy, I love you so. Seemed appropriate to the season…

April 1, 2008 to June 3, 2008.Very different is the mood today…we now find ourselves in a position where I say that we can be sure that we have only to persevere to conquer. From Winston Churchill’s “Never Give In” speech. The full paragraph is:

Very different is the mood today. Britain, other nations thought, had drawn a sponge across her slate. But instead our country stood in the gap. There was no flinching and no thought of giving in; and by what seemed almost a miracle to those outside these Islands, though we ourselves never doubted it, we now find ourselves in a position where I say that we can be sure that we have only to persevere to conquer.

June 3, 2008 to Sept 30, 2008 They call me Mr. Bombastic, say me fantastic… A paraphrase of Shaggy’s “Mr. Boombastic.” Some 911Truth nut without the courage to sign his real name to his comments called me “bombastic.” I wonder if he meant that in reference to my manly tumescence or if he was simply referring to my grandiloquent prose?

September 30, 2008 to October 26, 2008 In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem. Quote from Ronald Reagan’s first inaugural address which seemed especially appropriate as politicians floated the ridiculous notion of throwing $700 billion of good taxpayer money after several trillion of bad money to solve a “crisis” that extended mostly to banker’s wallets.

October 26, 2008 to February 5, 2009 This never would have happened when Tim Russert was our GM. From Somehedgehog’s Adventuring Party Politics: The Campaign is Getting Ugly

February 5, 2009 to March 17, 2009 My loony bun is fine Benny Lava. From Crazy Indian Video… Buffalaxed! This is the funniest thing since Old Jews Telling Jokes!

March 17, 2009 to….I’m not cold, I’m not wet, and I’m not hungry, So, classify these as good times. An appropriate quote for the times, for the nation, from the Willie Nelson song “Good Times”.

Unknown to June 2014  No Taylor guitars were harmed in the making of this blog. Reference to the incident where United Airlines employees were seen throwing the expensive Taylor guitars owned by Dave Carroll and his band Sons of Maxwell. The United Hates Guitars incident became a major marketing fiasco for United.

June 2014 to September 6, 2014  18 And ye shall cry out in that day because of your king which ye shall have chosen you; and the Lord will not hear you in that day. An Old Testament reference that seemed appropriate in light of the king that we have (twice) chosen.

September 6, 2014 to October 13, 2014.. Don’t be surprised when I come to your country club and complain that all you talk about is golf. I joined Facebook 7 years ago largely as an extra way to keep in touch with fellow political bloggers and blog commenters. Relative newcomers to Facebook are offended by my political posts. This strikes me as comparable to my joining a country club then complaining that the old members just want to talk about golf.

October 13, 2014 to April 6, 2015... The largest cultural menace in America is the conformity of the intellectual cliques which, in education as well as the arts, are out to impose upon the nation their modish fads and fallacies, and have nearly succeeded in doing so. In this cultural issue, we are, without reservations, on the side of excellence (rather than “newness”) and of honest intellectual combat (rather than conformity). from the founding Mission Statement of the National Review

April 6, 2015 to March 31, 2017“”Harrison Bergeron” was not intended as a how-to manual” Stolen from the subheadline (what is the actual word for that?) of a blog article criticizing the conclusions drawn from a study that showed reading to children gives them an advantage greater than a private school education. Specifically the conclusion that this was some unfair contributor to class warfare (rather than a real leveling opportunity in favor of working class parents who can’t afford private schools).

March 31, 2017 to February 14, 2018…“不学诗, 无以言 If you do not study poetry, you will have no words. ” Saying from Confucius


February 14, 2018 to present…: “Yes, Virginia, there is a St. Valentine.”

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