Tom Rants Default Arnie doesn't watch Stallone movies

Arnie doesn't watch Stallone movies

So, life is imitating art with Arnold Schwarzenegger in the role of the villain from Demolition Man, Dr. Raymond Cocteau. Arnie just signed a law banning trans fats in California restaurants. They weren’t on the list yet in 1993, but in the future California of that film, here’s Lenina Huxley (Aldous’ great granddaughter, I think, played by Sandra Bullock) giving John Spartan (Sylvester Stallone) the run down on what’s illegal:

Stallone: You, get me a Marlboro.
Bullock: Yes, of course.

What’s a Marlboro?

Stallone: It’s a cigarette. Any cigarette.

Bullock: Smoking is not good for you.
Anything not good for you is bad.
Hence, illegal. Alcohol, caffeine,
contact sports, meat–

Stallone: Are you shitting me?

Surveillance Computer: You are fined one credit for violation
of the verbal-morality statute.

Stallone: What the hell is that?

Surveillance Computer: You are fined one credit….

Bullock: Bad language…chocolate, gasoline, uneducational toys
and spicy food.

Abortion is illegal, so is pregnancy
if you don’t have a license.

I feel like Edgar Friendly (Dennis Leary): I’ve seen the future. ” It’s a 47-year old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing “I’m an Oscar Meyer Wiener.”

What’s next for Arnie? Maybe he can make Brawndo the state drink and turn California into a real Idiocracy. Maybe we should amend the Constitution so he can run for President, but only if he changes his name to Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho Schwarzenegger.

Personally, I want trans fats, I want saccharin, I want offshore drilling and high emissions, I want a bluetooth headset sending radio waves through my brain and a computer monitor glaring into my eyes,

I like to think. I like to read. I’m into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I’m the kinda guy who likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, “Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?” I want high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon, butter and buckets of cheese, ok? I wanna smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I wanna run through the streets naked with green jello all over my body reading Playboy magazine, why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to, OK pal?

Damn, now I’m hungry.

Gov. Schwarzenegger signs law banning trans fats in restaurants

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