Tom Rants

Yes, Virginia, there is a St. Valentine.

Tom Rants Default Those who can plumb

Those who can plumb

I’m still waiting for the plumber who charged me $50 for the 15 minutes it took him to unclog a drain and break the pipe a year and a half ago to come back and fix it. Enough with the plumber hero worship. I don’t want to live in Toiletistan. Before this debate is over, I’m going to be ready for an income tax surcharge on plumbers.

Supreme Court question…

McCain: I won’t impose a litmus test regarding abortion on Joe the Plumber when I nominate him to the Supreme Court. We can trust a plumber.

Obama: This is a very important decision (duh!). Lily Ledbetter once hired a plumber. I won’t provide a litmus test, but I already know that Bernardine Dorn is pro-choice. But there is common ground between those who believe in choice and those who are pro-life: We need to prevent unwanted pregnancies, encourage adoption and have genetic testing to make sure potential plumbers aren’t aborted.

McCain: There’s Obama being eloquent again. Plumber.

The US spends more per capita on education, but we trail most of the countries of the world…What do you intend to do about it?

Obama: This has a national security implication. We can’t maintain our primacy as a military power if we don’t train enough plumbers. We have to invest in early childhood education so every child is prepared to be a plumber. We have to recruit new teachers with higher pay to turn out the next generation of plumbers.

McCain: We need charter schools. Good teachers need to be rewarded and bad teachers should become plumbers. Those who can plumb, those who can’t teach.

Obama: I doubled the number of charter schools in Illinois. I wasn’t governor or anything, I just did it. If I took this shirt off you could see the S on my chest. I built those schools by hand. But I left the plumbing to professionals.

McCain: In D.C. the schools suck and the parents want their kids out. Those schools are so bad those kids can’t even be plumbers assistants. We need more town hall meetings so we can care for autistic children and they too can become plumbers.

Obama: Change.

McCain: Plumbers.

Al Gore: Lockbox.

No plumbers or teachers were harmed in the writing of this piece.

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